Tuesday, December 3, 2013

In the beginning...

Where to begin…where to begin…Well, as my husband says, may as well begin at the beginning.  First, this is my own blog about my own experiences with bipolar disorder.  And major depressive disorder.  And a touch of anxiety issues.  Wow.  Having put it into writing makes it sound like I’m a real nutcase, and nothing could be further from the truth.  I’m quite sane, thank you very much, though I do like to use the insanity clause when my hubby discovers I didn’t do something I was supposed to do.  Or when I go off on one of my hypomanic episodes and am not really, truly responsible for what I do.  Yes, I’m an adult, but unless you’ve experienced it you just can’t understand.  It’s kind of like someone who never, ever swears being pushed past the point of mere anger and yelling, “Damn!”  Not quite the same, but kinda similar. 

I’m inviting my Facebook friends to view my blog with a bit of a catch in my throat. I’ve been pretty open about my illness, but parts of my journey may be a bit more than you want to know.  Learning about all of this may make it difficult to know what to say to me, how to act around me...  Keep in mind, I’m the same person and no more or less fragile than before. I still like to laugh and have fun. I’m still silly and goofy at times. I still cry when I hear the National Anthem.  I still withdraw during periods of darkness. There’s much more to me than my illnesses, just as there’s more to a diabetic than diabetes.  However, maybe this will give you a bit more insight into my kinks (note I said “kinks”, not “kinkiness” this isn’t that kind of blog J  Maybe you’ll learn a little about yourself.  Maybe you’ll learn how to cope with another friend or a family member.  There are a lot of us out there, you know. 

I’m aware that being brutally open and honest may push some away.  I’ve been shunned before for sharing much less than I’ll be discussing here.  Others may feel uncomfortable around me.  It’s a chance I have to take.  A friend almost lost her daughter during a crisis situation recently and I discovered that as much as I hate my “brain cooties”, I felt---and feel---that I’m able to offer something of benefit due to my own experiences.  In any case, I feel I’ve found my mission…a way to put the hell that is bipolar and major depressive disorders to work.  And it is hell.  Read through any forum on the topic and you’ll invariably read about the demons in the dark, dark place.  If I can help one person in any way…whether a sufferer or a supporter, it’s worth it. 

Before I go any further, there may be times I use language or expressions you wouldn’t ordinarily hear from me.  I’m not trying to be shocking or offensive, but sometimes it takes something strong to make a point.  If I offend, I apologize.  There’s a website I may reference from time to time.  Don’t go there unless you really feel you can handle some frank language about mental disorders and the medications used to treat them.  I’ve developed a great deal of respect for the young man who administers the website and can even say he saved my life at one point without even knowing it.  I’ll get into that in another post.  Probably post number two.  Hmmmm…do you find that intriguing?  I hope so.  Anyway, I wish he’d clean up his language, but the information he provides is of tremendous value.

So, I’m putting my own personal journey on the roller coaster to work.  Come along for the ride.  If nothing else, it should be interesting, occasionally thought provoking, and hopefully enlightening.  And don’t be surprised if there are a few chuckles thrown in for good measure. That’s just how I roll.