Sorry to disappoint, but this is not a history lesson about
the Great Depression in terms of world history, but in terms of my own
history. Me. The Great Depression of ’06. Yikes!
Something just occurred to me.
How long did it take the nation to get back on track following the
initial stock market crash? OMGOSH! I hope it doesn’t take that long for me to
become mentally stable. Seriously, this
thought just occurred to me. All righty,
then. Yeah. Okay.
Need to take a breather.
Okay. I’m back.
My crash didn’t quite rival that of the stock market back in
1929, but it sure as heck felt like it to me.
The lithium injected into my system was like a fake market stimulus, one
designed to quickly turn the tide, but in the end…ineffective. No government project works a la President
Roosevelt. Not even a government bailout
a la President Obama! Just a switch to
another med.
Keep in mind, this was back in ’06. 2006.
Though my kids might argue the point, I wasn’t around in 1906. And when I first started this journey I had no
idea I would be one of the lucky ones (yay, me!) who has hard to treat
depression. It’s kinda like my
thyroid. Apparently it and my neurotransmitting
(no, it’s not a word but I can pretend) system took off for the Bahamas
together. I do hope they’re having a
good time. Goodness knows they left a
mess behind for me and my docs to try to fix.
So, anyway, my mom was the one who was great at keeping
notes and keeping track of stuff.
Remember me saying that I actually thrust my purse at my psychiatrist to
show him what it looked like, comparing it to the way my brain felt? Well, my mom was at the other end of the
spectrum. She loved purses with lots of
pockets and compartments. Everything had
its place and there was nary (I pulled that word out of my hat. Pretty cool, huh?) a scrap of stray paper in
sight. She kept track of all of my
brothers’ illnesses and that of my sister and me, noting medications that
worked and treatments that didn’t. She
kept track of which bills needed to be paid and when. She was that kind of person.
Now, had I known the journey I would be on with regards to
medication I might have at least made an attempt to keep track of medications
and side effects. I’ve been on a bunch
over the years, and several combos.
Sadly, my former docs had a tendency to throw the baby out with the
bathtub. “Let’s try something entirely
different!” rather than “Let’s tweak this and see if we can make necessary
adjustments.” My current doc does the
latter. I’m crazy about him. Note I said I’m crazy about the doc, not
crazy in general, though a case could be made…
Anyhow, since my crash and hospitalization, I haven’t been
stable enough to finish school, let alone be able to work. I’ve changed my dream from having that
teaching career to just having a good idea how I’m going to feel from one day
to the next. And hopefully feeling decent
from one day to the next. My dream is to
now have the energy each day to care for my home and family, a dream that,
sadly, doesn’t come true more often than it does. I feel that I fail my loved ones on a regular
basis. Hubby says that’s the depression
talking, and anyone who’s suffered from depression knows depression lies.
But enough of the negative stuff. After several days of sleeping almost nonstop
I’m actually awake! And it’s a glorious
feeling. Youngest son put up Christmas
trees and I think I may actually do some decorating today. Hoooo-ray!!!
Have a wonderful day.
I’ll meet ya back here soon!
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